Written on 22/02/2023

I Can’t do anything. I don’t have any skills. I don’t even know how to talk properly. Why am I living? Felt the urge of not living. Life has no meaning at the end and who cares. Who cares what I do? Who Cares how I am & how I feel. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU. I am just a liability on my family. I want to leave everything and go somewhere alone. I am suffocating here. Life has no purpose. The purpose you design is just to satisfy your emotions. You want to run away from the truth that’s all empty. It’s void. With no meaning. Slow down. Don’t act fast. Be you. But what is you? Fuck off. Fuck life. It feels so irritating that no matter how much you put efforts in finding answer to these questions, you will get nothing. There is no truth lying outside, waiting to be discovered. Life goes fine when you numb yourself with the feeling that truth is known. Purposeless, Meaningless life. No god, No creator. But what if everyone followed this belief and then did nothing? Wouldn’t we move towards destruction? Life is void, meaningless, has nothing interesting. But what is interesting? Some chemical reactions that you can crave, Built inside you because of evolution. Look, at the end, you are going to die. It is the ultimate truth. The Full stop. Nothing after it. And anything you do, it doesn’t matter on a large and long-term Scale. So what should you do? Do what that’s good for you and for the society. That adds value to it and enrich your experience of meaningless life. It gets difficult to decide morals when everything in life seems a joke. You have to be really disciplined to be moral without a creator watching over you. These questions are making me less confident. Still better than being numb by false beliefs. I need to read and learn about existentialism.